Dumb usually annoys me. Dumb in many forms; dumb people, dumb ideas, dumb TV and movies… that’s why I don’t dig on reality TV. But, there are times when I’m not looking to overthink something. It happens every once in a while, not enough to make me follow a dumb TV show…
But occasionally watch a dumb movie? Yeah, that’s more my style. I even really like using this occasional indulgence to annoy friends and co-workers. Like talking with my friends and making a point using a “Hudson Hawk” reference. I’ve even done it to Steve and Ted during the morning show. Steve will mention during the almanac section that it’s say… Dennis Hopper’s birthday and rattle off a couple of mega blockbuster hits and critically acclaimed movies in his filmography. And I’ll mention that he also starred in “Space Truckers.”
Sometimes I wish we were rolling a camera, the looks I get from Steve with comments like that are totally worth it. Like he has any room to talk anyway; he and Ted can joke about Sean Connery in “Zardoz,” but I can’t roll out “Space Truckers?” Just because the bad guy in “Space Truckers” had a pull starting…
Prosthetic appendage. (Yeah, probably the safest way to word that. For clarity, if your mind went “there” you are absolutely correct.)
It’s Halloween, and if you are staying in I’ll suggest a scary, but entertaining (if stupid,) movie. “Split Second,” 1992 starred Rutger Hauer, Alastair “Neil” Duncan, and Kim Cattrall as (respectively) a caffeine and sugar-fueled paranoid gun-freak detective, a super-neatfreak wimp, and a shower scene. Setting the scene; it’s half-past the future in a global-warming flooded London and the “Ripper” style serial killer menacing the streets of London is half xenomorph (the bad guys from the Aliens movies,) half plague rat, and half demon. Yes, three halves as he is also fairly huge. But as Hauer’s “Harley Stone” would be quick to remind everyone, there’s no problem that enough bullets can’t solve.
Really movie, you named your main character “Harley Stone.” OUTSTANDING. There’s some great, funny dialogue throughout. A couple of standouts include:
female bartender: What'll you have?
Harley Stone: Coffee.
female bartender: It's a two-drink minimum!
Stone: Then get me two coffees.
Lt. Thrasher: How many weapons are you carrying, besides this 'cannon'?
Harley Stone: An MP15.
Thrasher: What else?
Stone: A Glock 50.
Stone: An A3 Assault Shotgun.
Thrasher: If that's not paranoid, I don't know what the %#@& is. I'm surprised you don't have a grenade launcher.
Stone: I couldn't get a permit.
So yes, it’s a dumb movie. But there’s a lot of entertainment value. Funny lines, over the top action, and some fairly creepy moments. A good Halloween suggestion.
Interested? HAH! There’s my trick. I really doubt you’ll be able to watch it. The DVD is out of print, and fairly rare. How rare? NETFLIX doesn’t have a copy. A DVD copy is selling for nearly $250 on Amazon and eBay. Actually you’ll see copies for a lot less, but they’re region 2 and won’t work on a US DVD player.
I’d be really impressed if you could find a copy somewhere. All you could hope for is to come across it in the forlorn DVD/VHS section at a used bookstore. And if you HAVE a copy… You own something pretty rare there.
I’ll give ya $5.00 for it.
Anyhow, see you at the Palace (either Fri or Sat, I don’t know which yet) for John Carpenter’s “The Thing.”