Ted has his list of favorite Christmas movies. So I’m going to give you a list of movies that you should never watch… unless like me you love to watch the occasional cinematic train wreck. These movies are truly terrible. Here we go.
5. “Santa Claus: The Movie” Dudley Moore (one of Santa’s elves) is trying to use Santa’s techniques to mass produce toys for a toy company, whose head is John Lithgow (who is supposed to be Scrooge), and Santa comes and teaches them all about the true meaning of Christmas.
4. “Black Santa’s Revenge” I’ll just let the movie’s own tag line speak for itself. In a city where crime runs rampant and despair rules the streets, one man delivers hope WITH A VENGENCE.
3. “Santa Claus VS The Martians” The title says it all.
2. In “Santa Claws” a B-horror movie actress is stalked by a deranged fan bent on claiming her for himself. This movie stars… no one.
1. “Santa’s Slay” stars WCW and WWE wrestling superstar Bill Goldberg as Santa. In this movie we find that Santa’s reputation as a gift-giver and jolly is only because of a bet with an angel that he lost. Now the bet is up and Santa can go back to his murderous Christmas bloodbath. “Santa’s Slay” also stars Saul Rubinek, Saturday Night Live’s Chris Kattan, and Comedian Fran Drescher.
Don’t say I didn’t warn you.
Merry Christmas everyone.